pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
