My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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