Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
