I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
