There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
