goodnight i made you a song goodbye
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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