Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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