When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
