I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
