Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
