So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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