i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
