Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
