How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
