omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Everything about him screamed your future.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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