Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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