So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
