I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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