Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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