I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
