I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
