Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
