Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
