I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
