Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
