She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
