well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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