my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
