I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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