Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I could make wine with my vomit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
