What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
