cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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