i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
