That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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