Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My ass is underappreciated
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
