theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
