Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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