we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
