if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
