The maid of honor just puked.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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