I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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