I'd wear matching sweaters with you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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