Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
