i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
