now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
