I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
