the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
