he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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