I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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