im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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