I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
