look no pants
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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