thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
