Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm passing your future prison.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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