Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
