oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
