Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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