I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
